What am i so afraid of?

Maybe I should just go there and just see that they are ok, that they have a life, and an apartment and family and friends now... that people are normal there and this outrageously depressing mental picture that I have made up in mind is false. Maybe I should just go and see it for myself and get it over with.

Sooner than later.

What am i so afraid of?

Am I afraid of going there and then coming back here, to my life, and hating my life? And being even more bitter about this American move?