Shaagerd Avval

When I brought my "kaar-naameh" home every quarter or "Sols", she would take it proudly and put it behind the glass door of our living room boofeh. That way everyone who walked in the house could easily see how her daughter had straight 20's! and she would feel good about herself.

I was so embarrassed but she would do it anyways. People, random guests, would smile at me in a fake manner and congratulate me. They didn't care or they were jealous, and their kids felt horrible in front of their parents when they saw my "kaar-naameh" since now, they had to strive to be just like me.

When I got into Yale's summer program, the entire Iranian community in Westwood Blvd. found out. He told everyone he had ever come into contact with in America. I couldn't stop him either. Let him feel good about his smart daughter.

When I was accepted into UCLA, I think everyone they knew in America AND Iran found out...even every distant relative living in Mashhad and Esfaahan.

Let them feel good both. Let them create this perfectionist self-image of a daughter for me that would, later in life, cause my very fall. It's ok. Parents don't know any better. We just suffer and then spend the rest of our adult lives doing damage control.

And the wost part is after we have kinda healed from the wounds that they inflicted, we do it all over again to our own children. And this vicious cycle goes on and on...

No. I vow not to do this to my children. Never, ever...the cycle has to stop. It can be fatal.

Be proud of your kids but don't make it so public and don't make them feel that what they do or their grades make them who they are.

I am more than "Shaagerd Avval". I am beyond Shaagerd Avval because then, when I am not Shaagerd Avval, I am still good and smart and capable.