Blue December

Well, like I mentioned before, it always starts in October, really...when it gets cold and they move the times, and it gets dark out early, things just go down hill.

Maybe in my next life, I could be a bird and just fly away every time winter comes, to the other half of the globe, to keep warm...at all times.

What is it with this month? No matter how much I fight it, no matter how many Xmass cards I mail out and make sure I have the appropriate Holiday stamp...despite the fact that I try to attend mid-night mass on Xmass Eve...no matter how much I try to fit in with this so-called "Times of Joy"...I always fail. Something always goes wrong in December.

It might be also that the year is ending and my destructive over-achiever personality starts rewinding the year that just passed, like those stupid A- Year -In -Review they do on 60 Minutes on TV...and of course, no matter what I have done, I always feel like I didn't achieve It...not having a clue what "It" is really...something just didn't click this year. It's funny, b/c my life assignment for this year, as instructed by Dr. W was just to stay employed and take care of my health. Which, I did. (Unless of course, I get fired next week)...and i did way beyond that...way beyond what I believed I could achieve.

Yet, December is here and once again, and I am Blue.