She is gone...

"I had to run to an appointment and unfortunately cannot say goodbye in person. I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed working with all of you and will miss you. This is one of the nicest group of people I have worked with and it was a real pleasure getting to know all of you. Good luck to all and thanks again for everything. Take care"

Her name was L. She was warm, kind and caring. She was like my mother, only at work. Finally I figured out a while ago that she reminded me of my late Khaleh Sori because she was of Chinese decent and Khaleh's maternal ancestors came from Mogholestan! I think her hands had the most resemblance. She was like an ally at work, always helped me when I needed it. One day, while we had lunch in the kitchen together, she confessed to me that she had passed the bar 10 years but was not practicing...instead, she enjoyed being a mother...I was shocked for a week...When I was stressing out, she would buy me lunch and calm me down.

Today was her last day. That was her last e-mail...

Just when I was starting to feel at home and comfortable, she left.

She left the way Khaleh left...

Everybody leaves...sooner or later.

I fell in love with the kitchen

For the first time in 9 months, I missed my kitchen...the sunlight in it, the way it was warm in the afternoons, the view of the sunset in evenings, the way it was located in the corner of the building and had access to two different sets of windows, the way the floor smelled after Beta had cleaned the floor, the window behind the sink which made washing dishes relaxing.

I think the kitchen was where I fell in love with the apartment. Something about it reminded of Iran, of good old days that were happy and warm and accompanied by delicious homemade food...maybe it was the sound of children playing outside which was a reminder of our house on 18th Street, in Ghandi? Or maybe it was the size of mamani's kitchen... that's why! where she cooked all the time...maybe it was a reminder of those eftaaris she had during ramedon, when she was making halvaa at around 6:30 p.m. right before mehmoons came, and I had to wait for eftaar to eat it...what a sweet torture it was...

I cooked A LOT in that kitchen. If fact, cooking became a meditation, it was the only thing that calmed me down right before the bar results came out on that day in May 2005, I had to wash, chop, rinse, chop some more to calm down, of course with lots of olive oil and garlic...I cooked for friends...family, Tina soup when she was sick.

Then there were those wild parties, where everyone gathered in the kitchen...in that small 4 x 8? kitchen... when the alcohol spilled all over the floor and it became a sticky floor...and the one time, when my birthday cake slipped on the floor...

I want my kitchen to look like that again, to feel warm and happy. Can that happen?

HANGERS

How is it that one accumulates more hangers during a lifetime, than one actually owns clothing to hang them on? Is it b/c one actually buys them at the store in hopes of one day buying more clothing?

I have always thought hangers are a nuisance b/c they remind me of how much more clothing I need to purchase to put on them and how I can't afford to do that. In fact, I always collect the ones from my dry cleaning lady even and give it back to her...they are the cheapest kind anyways. Even hangers have good and bad, cheap and expensive...those wooden ones are more expensive.

When we moved this last time, I spent so much time organizing hundreds of hangers in the closets...I think my sister used hang EVERYTHING...Including her T-shirts. Maybe that's how we got them...She was a "hanger" person... (but I also think that they may have been something Babaee had a fetish to buy like his towels and sheets)

I have been the "throw-it-on-the- ground- or- couch" person. Maybe that's why my cloths don't last long...? (aside from the fact that I am a "Spilling Queen" and I don't discriminate...coffee, wine, chocolate, soy sauce, ketchup, etc. Dr. H would say I am stuck in that part of my childhood...)

I threw many of the hangers out...gave some away to Salvation Army...(if they can find clothing donations for their donees, they can now give them hangers to use as well and the world might be a better a place)

BUT I am trying to change...I want to start hanging my cloths in my walk-in closet...I have never had such a big Walk-In clashed. I want to organize everything maybe by color like T, I don't ever want to have a closet like M did...EVER...

I want to be a better person.