The first woman said she got a pedicure for the first time for her brother-in-laws' wedding, ever. She said she never knew it felt so nice to get one.

The second woman didn't look like she had ever gotten one. She wore Chanel glasses but no pedi.

I lean more twards regular pedicures than owning Chanel, if I had to choose.

I can't think straight if I don't get them every three weeks or so. I actually recently calculated that since I bagan getting regular pedicures in 1999 or so, I must have spent approximately,,,oh Gosh...$2,320 on pedicures. That's about 17 pedis per year. Let's just say $2,500.

Well, let me tell you, that must have been the best way to secure my sanity in the past 8 years. A pedicure is a refreshing, stress-relieving, mentally cleansing activity which invigorates the soul.

It is beyond ordinary cleansiness and simple beauty. It's new start...

It's worth every penny.

The Anti-me

The Anti-me slept in till 9:30-10:00 a.m. during the week.

The Anti-me watched movies during the day.

The Anti-me went to In&Out at 2:30 p.m. on a Wednesday, and watched people order burgers.

The Anti-me went to the bookstore, sat down and read random books for hours.

The Anti-me wasn't worried.

The Anti-me took naps from 3:30 to 5:30 p.m.

The Anti-me went to the public library once on a Tuesday.

The Anti-me did laundry on a Thursday morning.

The Anti-me slowed down.

The Anti-me observed.

The Anti-me hoped.

The Anti-me dreamed.

The Anti-me fantasized.

The Anti-me recharged Me.

Now, Me is back with a splash of Anti-me left over to last for a while.

Sister

She is coming back again tomorrow, before she leaves again in three weeks. I went shopping today, bought some fruits and other food to make for her. I get so excited when she comes, I clean, I cook...I make sure she feels good and safe and "at-home" when she comes, whatever that means. I know the term "home" was stolen from her dictionary this year, so unjustifiably--she has said it so many times, in so many ways.

I do everything to make sure that I can make up for what I failed to do for her parents.

I do so much out of guilt...

i think depression is an addiction just like everything else...it's a way of living...

On getting by...

Today I didn't get approved for a loan...wasn't surprised at all.

Then the unemployed me had lunch with another unemployed friend and we talked about our bright future as business owners. We even drank alcohol to that.

One of the things I have been remembering lately is how I got through UCLA. Well, sometimes I don't even remember what techniques I used but I did stuff no one has heard of. For example, I used to wait to pay tuition on the last day which was due, Friday at 5p.m., well 4:45 t o be exact. I would write a bad check. But they would put me as a current active student on the system and by the time the check bounced, I would be able to do something else, come up with a new idea...

This is called getting by, no matter how pathetic it seems.

This is why I can't take any bullshit any more. My B.S. account is maxed out.

It's still such a beautiful day, the weather is amazing...and I am happy.

Where is the delete button?

What do you do if the only files you have on your computer indicate that businesses fail and houses are lost/forclosed?

Since I can't find the delete button I have decided to throw the whole damn computer out the door and smash it to the floor.

My new goal for being 30 is to get a new computer with blank files. No templates, no examples. Nothing to copy and paste from.

Will that work?