Yeh Maatikam bezan

She looks at my pale face and tells me in the morning in court, "Yek maatikam bezan"!

She is begining to crack me up.

The education that failed us

There are so many things you don't learn during your formal education.

In particular, they never taught us how to adjust the footers on a pleading paper. They also forgot to mention that the most important person in a court room is first the clerk, then the bailiff, and lastly the judge.

Yup.

Is the Noticer Depressed?

He said a patient came to him one day and said, "Dr. I have noticed that I am depressed all the time, that I am sad and lack energy."

"You feel depressed, right" He verified.

She said, "Yes."

He then asked, "What about the Noticer? Is the Noticer depressed? Does the Noticer feel sad?"

She said, "No."

He then told her, "Why don't we start with the Noticer then."

18th St., Gandi, Tehran, Iran

Sometimes I think if I go back and see them, it will be like the old times before hobo was born...when it was just me and the two of them.

Me and Mom and Dad... the first five years of my life,living on 18th St. Gandi...

I want to feel like the old times, at least one more time before it's too late.

I am going to go...soon.

Carbaholics Anonymous

I had taken a piece of the fresh bakhlava to eat with my tea when we had the conversation about my blood type, and herbal therapy, which is when she said I have to cut carbs--beh kol. I held my bakhlava away from my mouth as she talked and slowly put it down in a plate...drank my tea by itself and listened to her directions.

Apparently people with "O" blood type have thyroid issues and weight gain problems. Thanks for telling me this information now after all the years that I have worried about my TSH, T3 and T4 levels. Well, not that I could change my blood type but at least I could follow a certain diet for "O" people. Today I googled it and somewhere in the vast amount of information on the Internet, I saw that I am not supposed to cabbage. Thank God I am not Korean b/c I don't really like cabbage, except the red cabbage for salads.

Anyways, for now I refuse to follow up with an MD on my thyroid issue until I find a better alternative way. MDs are overrated.

And I am sorry, I love carbs.

Jeebeh khaali, Pozeh Aali

Whoever came up with the above saying was a f&^%#ing genius.

" I love you too "

There is a gap between when we say goodbye and she says "I love you." At times, i try to get into the gap quickly and say it first to her, and I have been doing it. I have been pretty good about beating her. But sometimes, I am lazy though and I wait for her to say it first. Then I reply "I love you too, mom." Sometimes I think we should just split it equally so that I say it first on some days, and sometimes she says it first--how absurd does that sound? And there are times that I delay and delay and she doesn't say it either because she probably expects me to say it, then all of a sudden, you hear a click...and the phone hangs up, without having said it at all.

It's a very complicated matter, you know.

When the student is ready, the teacher comes

I am a scatterd brain and now, I have someone to remind me of it all day long.

This way, I might actually stop being scattered brain sooner than later.

Ghareebeh Yateem

There is a guy who works down two offices from me. He always passes by my office but looks down on the floor.

Today, after 22 days of me being here, he finally made eye contact with me. I finally smiled. He smiled back.

They told me his father just passed away three weeks ago. Sadness has taken over his whole being.

A Nostalgic Moment at 2:37 p.m., Wed Afternoon

I miss UCLA, especially walking in North Campus and the smell of flowers.

Caliberating

"Your writing is substandard to a person of your high caliber." She looked me straight in the eye and said that.

Who died and made me a person of such high caliber anyway? That's what I want to know.

Wayne Dyerism

When in doubt, ask yourself: "What would Wayne do in this situation?"


http://www.hayhouseradio.com/episode_archive.php?show_id=16&episode_type=0

Every Day is Ahoura

Some dude was beheaded about 2500 years ago in the middle of the desert. Before he died, him and his tribe suffered from thirst for days.

Today, people still mourn his passing for 10 days in a row by making sure there is enough "nazri" food going around for all...10 days of free lunch and dinner passed out on the streets...fighting over how much "sholeh zard" one can get at each stop.

Oh yeah, and before they eat, they usually march a few blocks hitting themselves in the head or beating themselves, rather gently, on their backs. It makes them more hungry, I suppose.

And the joke of the season: they asked someone when is Ahoura? He said "Roozeh Jahanieh Ghaimeh."

Security

Their house stands in the corner of a cul de sac. When they first moved there about 15 years ago, you could see all the way to Disneyland, a vast land of strawberry fields lay between the house and northern part of Orange County.

Their house is the only refuge we had in the summer of 1995 for a couple of months.

Their house is where Babaee's 7 days of mourning were held after he passed.

Their house is where I went to hide after a major break-up once, laying on their couch for three days.

Their house is where my license address was for a few years, since insurance rates in Irvine were much cheaper.

Two remodelings later, it still stands in that corner looking strong, while the strawberry fields have now been converted to various apartment housing complexes.

Their house is the only sense of security I have known in America.

Caafe-Gelaaseh Therapy

Last night I came home from a very bad day at work. First, I thought about drinking some wine but I didn't want to have a drunken feeling at all. It would add to my headache.

Then I went and got some ice cream but it was so cold that eating ice cream became unenjoyable, as my teethe were numb from the freezing feeling.

Suddenly, I had an epiphany: I could boil some water, make instant coffee and pour it to top of my ice cream...and have myself a grand Caafe-Gelaaseh: tasting both the bitterness of coffee and the sweetness of my ice cream, trying to eat up the ice cream as soon at the hot coffee was poured on it to prevent it from melting too soon...all of a sudden, I felt calm.

Caafe-Galaaseh Therapy works.

just some thoughts

She said I have not progressed in three years, that I have been doing either "dar jaa" or even "aghab gard". She said I should have bought a house by now.

People can say what they want...

I know I have progressed in so many ways within the last three years.

I know my own timeline.

And I have successfully built a protective shield around myself, so nothing anyone says gets to me.

I am that good.

" We have all the time in the world..."

Reincarnation makes sense...it has to be true. Imagine if you don't get to finish something in this life, no problem,you just do it in the next life, or the one after that or the fifth one to come.

If you don't get to see Paris, or have children or go sky diving...you get other chances, more time, more opportunity...when you return.

Think about it: if we all believed in reincarnation, we would be more relaxed and not in such a rush. The idea that "we are getting old" and "there isn't enough time" will just go out the door. Then, only then, we could sit down and focus on this moment.

On the other hand, we would be more likely to pass our exams in this life so we don't have to come back again to repeat the lesson. If we have a mental knot that needs to be opened, we would really want to take care of it now, sooner than later, instead of in the next life.

Reincarnation is just the way to go. They should just put it on the 2008 ballot. Do it the democratic way.

Divorce in Fearland

People have different fears.

Her fear is letting someone else seeing her naked body while they have sex...that is, of course, if "they" ever have sex since she hasn't decided if that's the right thing for her to do yet.

I don't have that fear. I may have had it before at some point but I got over it. I can walk around naked pretty comfortably, maybe even wash the dishes naked--although I have yet to try that one.

My fear is balancing my checkbook...I just can't do it. It seems silly but I refuse to do it and I get hurt for not doing it all the time. I have to pay high fees for my fear.

Everyone thinks their fear is the so important, so real, so justified.

Then, we marry our fears in a jurisdiction that doesn't do divorce. Maybe I should advocate for more liberal divorce laws in Fearland: One day you wake up and you decide to file the Petition to divorce your fear. You pay your filing fee of $320 and go to court. You tell the judge your story. Of course, your fear would fight for the relationship. He would not want to sign the divorce papers at first. Then you get a lawyer and pay lots of money for your case. Months go by. Fear moves out but you still share the same credit cards.

Finally, the trial date arrives and your dissolution is final. You get your judgment and are supposedly free for the rest of your life. But suddenly, it dawns on you that you miss Him, and you miss the life that you two had built together all these years, that things were so normal and predictable at least when He was around, that he defined you and your identity...that you are so lost without Him.

What do you do now? You look for another Fear, of course, because you think it's the type of Fear that was the issue, that you were incompatible with your Fear. Surely, there are other Fears out there that might suit you better...you look and you look and you find yet another Fear. This time, it takes you half the time of last time to figure this one out...and you have a third of the patience.

And on and on and on...not once you think about other options available. No one tells you that you may want to befriend your Fear and let him be...Just Be. That if you stop resisting Him, he might disappear on his own...he might evaporate into the air... if you just ignore him long enough...

No one tells you any of this and that's how Fear divorce attorneys make so much money.

Self-talk

People like to talk about themselves, to repeat their stories over and over, to analyze every bit of every single event repeatedly.

It makes them feel better. They think they will have resolution if they talked and talked.

I don't talk about my story to other people

I think about my story in my head and repeat it over and over again in my mind. You can say I talk to someone who lives in my head. Sometime she listens, sometimes she analyzes, at times she judges me and cusses me. On occasion, she encourages me. Every once in a blue moon, she inspires me. Only a couple of times in my life, she has forgiven me and given me the compassion that I need.

Bookaholism Continued

11 books are now sitting by my bed, as of this morning, all of which I am reading.

11 books... definitely, definitely...

(The situation is out of control at this point.)

Zen saying on duality of life

Everything makes sense.

Yet nothing does.

Somethings you don't have to give up

Growing up is hard to do. It comes with annoying responsibilities and boring days at work. Most importantly, it comes with paying bills. Now, one of the ways I deal with this annoying situation is by ordering cute checks, granted, some of them are silly...like my current set...from the famous mouse chef in Paris...my Ratatouille checks. At least when I write on my cute checks, I keep some part of my childhood alive. I pretend somethings about my grown-up life are still worth the smile.

Until tonight...when I pulled out my Ratatouille check book at a networking function for highly successful professionals in the community. I was kinda embarrassed and tried to hide them as I wrote out a check. (I mean Dr. H would say, "Khanoom, shoma tooyeh bachegiatoon moondin", which he would be absolutely right.)

Wow, how sad. Now I have to give up my Ratatouille checks too?

I am not sure if I am ready for that yet.

Not my cute checks.

Not those.

Not yet.

I am still holding on to a thin string connecting me to a world of silliness. A world without lawsuits, and foreclosures and bankruptcies and and mean judges.

Maybe that's the issue, maybe if adults weren't expected to become so serious and lose all sense of humor, maybe then, they would stop being so unhappy...so "adult-like".

In fact, I propose that everyone at this networking function should get silly checks. All 400 of them, including the speaker who is giving a depressing lecture on the economic forecast of California in 2008.

I think it's a genius idea.

Life's Purpose is Happiness

All I want from life is to be happy and peaceful.

Why is that too much to ask?

A New Day Has Come: Happy New Year

http://youtube.com/watch?v=XEAatrmFBC4


A new day has...come by Celine Dion


I was waiting for so long
For a miracle to come
Everyone told me to be strong
Hold on and don't shed a tear


Through the darkness and good times
I knew I'd make it through
And the world thought I had it all
But I was waiting for you


Hush, love


I see a light in the sky
Oh, it's almost blinding me
I can't believe
I've been touched by an angel with love
Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new, new sun
A new day has...come


Where it was dark now there's light
Where there was pain now there's joy
Where there was weakness, I found my strength
All in the eyes of a boy


Hush, love


I see a light in the sky
Oh, it's almost blinding me
I can't believe
I've been touched by an angel with love
Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new, new sun
A new day has...come


A new day has...come
Ohhh, a light... OOh