cranberry juice is back

There is a pattern, I have realized.

With unemployment comes UTI, no health insurance and then the good old cranberry juice.

And looking at albums and digging into the past, trying to break away from the past at the same time.

But I am fighting it with all my power...fight...fight...fight.

Dast az paa deraaz tar

I told her they can come back home if it doesn't work out.

She said, "Dast az paa deraaz tar bargardeem?"

Then I thought about it. What an interesting concept "Dast az paa deraaz tar" is. Essentially, I think it means you are an animal since some animals such as some mammels have longer hands than their feet.

Is it ok to be animal once in a while?

The Personality Queen

If you get to be my age, you finally start to realize what your strong points are and start banking on them...your personal assets.

I am the Personality Queen. I have officially decided.

At one job, I was told, "We like your aura", when I tried to quit. They didn't say we like your work quality, your contribution to our company, your integrity...none of that.

At another job, at the annual review, I was told, "We lovvvveeee your personality...you get along with people, you are funny, you have a great attitude." Again, nothin' said about my actual work product. Well, maybe a comment or two.

Another friend once told me that I will succeed in life because I have the greatest personality.

When I was a bank teller, one day a new teller told our manager, she wants to be trained by me because I am fun.

I have decided to take the compliment and start banking on it, instead of struggling to find another good quality, or improving my punctuality.

In fact, I think I might become a politician one day. I mean, what did Bill Clinton have, besides his golden personality? Oh, a law degree from Yale, and a great ability to articulate any and all words and phrases. Oh...I forgot.

The day I went in the office and announced my move to Orange County, many people thought I was crazy, that I can't hold on to a job, that I have issues...I justified it by saying I need to be near my family but I also felt horrible, guilty, and cussed him out for screwing me up to the point that I had to make a geographical change.

Yet, that decision was one of the best decisions I have made.

Now that I think about it, there was a whole other force behind that decision...an unseen energy that caused me to do what I did. It sure wasn't all me because there was no logic in it whatsoever...it was based all on emotions.

People often advise you against making emotional decisions. So you sit there and make rationalizations, do pros and cons, even make a chart, look at the goals and results in 6 months from today, 1 year from today and five years from today.

Yet, one day you wake up and make the best irrational decision of your life based soley on your gut feeling.

Or maybe I have to write this to justify myself...my failures and my mistakes...

if that's what it is...then it is, what it is.

Seereh Haft Saaleh

I love Seer Torshi. I have mentioned it before, it's because it reminds me of Shomal. Recently, I decided to look at my new Persian cookbook, New Food of Life by Najmieh Batmanglij (see Amazon.com), and look up how to make my very own Seer Torshi. On page 259 of the book, she has the recipe for Seer Torshi or Picked Garlic. Of course, given the gourmet nature of the recipes, there is also an added ingredient to it: my very own favorite little barberries or zereshk. You are actually supposed to place some zereshk in the middle of the garlic clove. Wow, can you believe the combination of garlic and zereshk? She is a genius.

At the end of the recipe she mentions it is lucky to wait and "noosheh jon" the Seer Torshi in seven years. Yes, you heard me, SEVEN years. This means that in the meantime, while my Seer Torshi is becoming "jaa-oftaadeh" in the jar, in a dark and cool corner of the house, absorbing all the serkeh in its every cell, I have to keep buying them from the local Persian Markets. God Bless them, of course.

At first, I had a very hard time thinking about seven years from now. Where will I be? will I have children? how many? any dogs? would I have lost a loved one?

Then I thought about the past seven years: where I was then, how much I have changed, and how much every cell in my own body has absorbed the bitter and sweetness of life and has made me who I am today. Every place I traveled to (including Bologna, Italy!), every single person I met, every new dish I tasted and every great movie I watched, all the pain and heartache I suffered...all of them have made me be me, today.

I have made my lucky Seer Torshi jar, with authentic garlics from Gilroy, California, and I write this short story to celebrate the next seven years of life.

nothin to lose

After a couple of days into it, it hit me that i have been here before. At least twice: the first time, I bought my first car before having a job yet... the second time, I moved out on my own before getting approved for my loan. All along, hoping, praying and envisioning that it will work out.

This is what you do when you've got nothing to lose because you've seen even worst.

Yes, this is a much familiar place.

Drama never ends.

But when it does cease momentarily, we get bored and create more drama.

Responsibilities of a Good Daughter

A Good Daughter calls her parents often.

A Good Daughter calls her parents' friends too, to keep the relationships going so when her parents return, they still have some friends left.

A Good Daughter makes sure her parents get their medications on time.

A Good Daughter calls her parents' other children too, to make sure they are good and running and they have enough money.

Then, one day out of the blue, the Good Daughter breaks, and drives around from one place to another to make sense out of things.

But the Good Daughter is really good at hiding that nothing ever broke.

So the breakdown goes unnoticed--yet, once more.

Then, the whole cycle starts all over again.

Life Insurance

Finally, after a month and a half of several telephone calls, a lunch meeting where the insurance broker took me out and treated me and did the usual schmoozing, a medical examination including a complete blood test, and many e-mails...finally, I was approved for Life Insurance. Just a couple of weeks before I hit the big 3.0. because the first time I saw Dr. F, she said to me: "You are not even 30 yet, and you are already going down."

Yes, I was approved despite the depression and anxiety and the allergies and the hair loss and a history of frequent UTI's (Urinary Tract Infections) and sporadic gastrointestinal problems, and spinal injuries due to three (or four?) car accidents, and various kinds of headaches such as migraines, sinus headaches, tension headaches (I had a chart once that described all of them and showed a diagram of the locations on the heard), and a mother with M.S., and a father with heart disease and high cholesterol who had two valve replacements a bypass three years ago, and three grandparents who died from heart attack and or stroke, and last but not least, a great-grand mother who died from breast cancer....despite it all.

Genetics do matter, just in case you were wondering.

I just was lucky enough to pass the test this time...well, I also did not disclose everything that I just listed above. That's how.

What color is your Estool?

Usually it comes at around 9:30 to 10:00 a.m...after the consumption of one to two cups of coffee.

This morning it came at 8:30 a.m.

I think it's a great way to start the day this way because you begin by a process of cleansing your body, getting rid of the toxins from the past and moving on, moving forward...feeling lighter. The brain functions better, the breathe is calmer.

A couple of years ago, Oprah had a whole program on it...one hour. That's how you know an issue is critical---if it makes it on Oprah. A matter of National Security.

That's when I found out I am not alone...that there are other people in this world who also analyze the color, texture, length, diameter and the of course the smell of it, as much as I do, every day...

And if one day, it's absent, you are in trouble.

It's like being in a relationship with your "estool"!

Irresponsible days

She asked if I have litigation experience in Federal Court?

I said, No.

I did want to elaborate a bit and tell her that I have not even applied to be admitted to Federal Court. Well, I had the application filled out and had the money to send...$195 or so, back in December 2005.

Then I decided to go to the Depeche Mode Concert with that money.

Woops!